You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
