In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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