i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
