Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
