he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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