Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
