Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
