Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
