i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
