did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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