the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
