the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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