My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
