That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
