32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
