remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
