I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
