Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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