Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
