Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
