Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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