Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
