I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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