Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
