i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
