Got a toothbrush?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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