So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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