Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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