the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
