I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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