Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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