Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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