I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
