a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
