I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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