My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
