Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
