Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He passed out mid-signature
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
