4 words: hood of his car
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
