im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
