there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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