Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
