is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
