Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
