I like my sex mixed with concussions.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
