he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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