At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
