I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
