On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
