I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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