I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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