Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
