good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
